letters

Thousands words
make up all the letters I've wrote you.
Each one never saying what I want said.
Just doesn't come out right.
For years I was the bigger person- Trying to make it work.
Reaching the breaking point
I broke
I crumbled
I fell down
To protect what I hold most dear
I put up a wall
I shoved, pushed, and ran for cover.
The road so long
I'm tired I just want to sleep
have it all go away.
But thoughts poke, slap, scream and bang on drums
sitting me up
shaking me
"NO-fix it, you are not the only heart at risk.
Yes the pain will be yours and yours alone
it's your pride that must be swallowed whole."
I nod to them, to myself-
I know it's true.
The lump in my throat stops the words dead on my lips.
So I write thousands of words
in letters
you haven't seen
to never understand