words

It burns
the words swirl in a septic pool of rot.
Trapped with in my mind,
wanting
to break free of this prison
Hands can not move fast enough to
spread ink to page.
single thought
bursting at it's seem
splinter to a thousand
compound to a million.
A jumble mess hidden
behind the eyes.
will not speak
to afraid to write
for there is no understanding
my
riddleish speak.

reality

To be so dark
it's almost black
lack of heart
to save soul
consumed by light
to be so blind
in the coming night
lost hope
of realities release.

Birth of dispair

The deapths of my
Soul are
Tinted, painted
Black.
No light may reach
To save me from myself,
To save from all I am.
deep within a forgotten shell
Of who I thought I would once be.
Given freely
To to the
Sweet freedom
Of
My
Own
Dispair

a hope and a dream

Everyday I wake with a hope and a dream,
that there will come a knock on my door.
When I open it, there you will be,
smiling, holding flowers
waiting for me to let you in.


The seconds turn to minutes, to hours
day to night.
There is no knock,
it's never you
there are no flowers or smile meant for me.
You have not a clue where to look.


But still I hope,
still I dream
for something that will never be.

Gone

I had finally stopped thinking you'd run-


You said,
You said you would fight
for me.
Lead me to believe giving up was never a choice
Yet,
there you go, walking away,
out of my life
without even a good bye




Gone like the wind
never to breeze threw
the empty cavern of my heart.

Bottle

Tip it up
Chug it down
feelings drown
just useless dribble
answers fooled to believed
they were hiding in the bottom
of a bottle
one gone


Smooth and warm
fire burn what is left
numbness
blurred lines of pain 
loosened lips
spill what wont be remembered 


Tears fill the river
of what was lost
no going back
seeing only the whims and dreams
swimming in the bottle on the table.

Let Go

She finally saw and heard the truth from him.
 - He had let it all out in a
    crazy, dizzying state.
 - He knew how much he loved her, He would be lost with out her, but...
    Having her would destroy so many lives.
 -with her he was complete
   he was the man he wanted to be.
   she made him whole, He would forever be with her.


She had never and will never love anyone as much as she does him.
Knowing what she did now, she knew it would never work for them.


The dream was over
It was time to wake up.


-He begged her to stay
   Professed his endless, undying love
  He would wait for her.


Salty tears mixed in with the bitter sweetness of the last kiss.
It was done.


She loved him so much
she let go for them both.

The Words She Felt

She stood there before him fully clothed,
yet some how she felt necked as the day she was born.
She had bared her soul and heart to him in thousands of messages.
She told him all but one of her secrets.
He hadn't run, yet.
She had one last truth to tell and she wondered if
He would run when he heard it,
she wondered if he knew,
she wondered if he felt it.
Every part of her mind screamed at her to keep her mouth shut.
Every part of her heart pleaded with her to say the words she swore never to say again.
She let out her held breath,
looked up into
his smoldering eyes
The world fell away leaving just them
As she opened her mouth
Her heart sang.

from no where

The thoughts creep in like they always do...
from out of no where.
Then I'm lost.
Lost in thoughts of him again.
Wondering what he's doing, How is he?
Does he ever have this same problem?
Where I invade his thoughts from out of the blue.
I've come so far
Building walls back up...
protecting my heart.
Remembering how foolish I truly was
to fall so fast, so deep.
Knowing he was never mine,
never to keep, never to touch.
Did he enjoy his game of cat and mouse with my heart?
How crazy I am to feel something?
So back to the start to rebuild walls again.
Till the next time my own mind plays the wreaking ball
pushing him into me again.

Sweet lies...
let me hear them all. I will buy them to your face and pick them apart behind your back. Let you think you got away with the crime. Go ahead play your game, if I'm bored enough I just might play along too.

My sweet little liar...you can't lie to me half as good as I lie to myself. I know what I am, I know how you see me and what you want me for. It's okay, I don't have a heart left to give for you to hurt. The only good that ever came from me having one is that it taught me how much I can hurt. I can count on one hand how many times it felt so warm and fuzzy in my heart to know the pure joy of love.

The Hag and The Princess

Love don't live here.
Love no longer knocks on this women's door.
She no longer wants it's pretty lies wrapped in pretty bows.
She stopped believing in the fairy tail of love long ago.


Someday her prince will come. That's what she was told and she believed whole heartily in the web of lies started that day. As she grew she saw the web grow bigger with the lies she told herself. One day she saw a man all handsome and stunning to make her prince. Falling in love head of hells. A feeling like nothing she ever felt before. She became wrapped up in him. Bought the bullshit lies without a single question. No matter how many time the "prince" hurt her. She became a knight, fighting for what she loved. To protect him with all she had to give.
Love had wrapped it's web so tightly she could no longer breath, squeezing so hard it shattered the heart in her chest. She crumbled under the mighty weight of the web that started so small, so long ago. The girl now a women made herself a promise that day, laying amongst the rubble of her heart, life and lies: that never again would she believe in this lie called love. In her vanity no man would reach the standards she set. She knew the truth, saw it reflected in her own pool of tears. She was an ugly, beaten, bitter mess of a hag, not the beautiful princess she was told she was.
She would now question every word from that point on. Never see the web of lies called love rebuilt.
Then one day love knocked upon the dusty door to the home of her heart. The hag knew what it was trying to do, spindle it's lies once again. The Hag locked away the Princess that she once was. She locked her far away in a tower so high she could touch the sky, safe from all the lies.
This women now set to work to destroy it all. To teach love a lesson. To never again set foot inside her heart. The heart she painstakingly pieced together. The Hag drew her rusty sword and began to beat love down. To smite it where it stood. While the Hag with good intentions of saving her and the princesses heart fought to stay ahead of loves building web of lies. The Princess from her tower saw love. She wanted to be free of herself and the Hag. She began to hope and dream again of freedom.  She wanted love, to love to be loved. The Princess would do anything for love again. The hope and belief from the Princess gave fuel to loves fighting fire. Love, now stronger fought harder against the Hag.
The ugly Hag fought with everything she had, everything in her. She was almost broken, falling to her knees about to crumble under the pressure love once again. The Hag was tired, she had built up her wall so high, so deep and thick, hid her door so well. She thought love would never find her. Her own little self betraying her. The tears began to fall then. The fell in sheets to refresh the mirror of herself, she saw once more. Only this time she saw a mix of her two selves, the Hag and the Princess. Neither of them happy. Someone needed to save them. There was no saving them both, the Hag had a choice, save the Princess, the girl she once was or save herself the women she had become, the Hag. Whom ever she picked the other would surely die. So she pondered a moment kill herself and let the girl have her love, with all it's tangling web of lies. Or does the Hag save herself and avoid the heartfelt pain the princess would feel? The Hag looked deep within her pool of tears, a grin of satisfaction growing on her face. she reached down and picked up that rusty sword and ran.
She ran with fear moving her feet, faster then she thought possible. She ran with love on her heels, reaching to wrap her up. She reached the princess's tower and climb to the safety of the home she had built at the top. She slammed and locked love out and herself and The Princess in.
The Princess smiled with a true hope of freedom, she knew love would free her. It was banging down her door. But then the princess looked up at the women she knew was her. The Princess saw the pain and fear in the ugly Hag's eyes. The princess knew what she must do in that moment. She walked to the Hag. The Hag gripping her sword  tighter in fear, crying tears of a broken women. The Princess, true to her title placed her hopeful hands upon the Hags cheeks and kissed away the tears and whispered "I love you"  Shocking the Hag still. As the moments passed loves fight became stronger and louder. The Princess lowered one hand to rest upon the Hags holding the sword, raising it up. the Princess took a step back, swallowed her fear, looked into the eyes of the Hag and thrust herself upon the sword. As she took her last breath and closed her eyes she could not tell who's screams were louder, that of the Hag or those of love.
The Hag had run to set the Princess free, to let her have her chance with love. To become someone new. The Hag was done, she wanted it all to end. She was tired of fighting, of hiding, yet afraid to die. Willing to give hope to what once was. The Princess ended her own life upon the rusty sword, revealing that love comes from with in. Doing all this exposed the Hag to real love. As the princess fell the screams escaped the hag. The Hag was to die, not the innocent girl she once was. Love gave one last battle cry and left defeated with the Princess's last breath.
The Hag would try for the memory of who she used to be to give love a chance. She stood dusting herself off wiping away tears and blood, looking the best she could. she opened the door to let love in, only to find nothing but empty blackness. Love had left her alone. Left her with the death of her innocents, left her with the nothingness of her life. Left her with what she thought she wanted.
Love had learned it's lesson, never to try and knock on that women's door. She doesn't want love, she doesn't feel love, she could never be loved.
Shutting the door, she locked it forever threw the key out to blow against the wind, She hoped that someday love would find her again and set her free from her own prison. She looked down at who she once was lying died by the sword meant for her. She couldn't even save herself, how foolish she was to think love would ever forgive her crimes against it and save her.