The Hag and The Princess

Love don't live here.
Love no longer knocks on this women's door.
She no longer wants it's pretty lies wrapped in pretty bows.
She stopped believing in the fairy tail of love long ago.


Someday her prince will come. That's what she was told and she believed whole heartily in the web of lies started that day. As she grew she saw the web grow bigger with the lies she told herself. One day she saw a man all handsome and stunning to make her prince. Falling in love head of hells. A feeling like nothing she ever felt before. She became wrapped up in him. Bought the bullshit lies without a single question. No matter how many time the "prince" hurt her. She became a knight, fighting for what she loved. To protect him with all she had to give.
Love had wrapped it's web so tightly she could no longer breath, squeezing so hard it shattered the heart in her chest. She crumbled under the mighty weight of the web that started so small, so long ago. The girl now a women made herself a promise that day, laying amongst the rubble of her heart, life and lies: that never again would she believe in this lie called love. In her vanity no man would reach the standards she set. She knew the truth, saw it reflected in her own pool of tears. She was an ugly, beaten, bitter mess of a hag, not the beautiful princess she was told she was.
She would now question every word from that point on. Never see the web of lies called love rebuilt.
Then one day love knocked upon the dusty door to the home of her heart. The hag knew what it was trying to do, spindle it's lies once again. The Hag locked away the Princess that she once was. She locked her far away in a tower so high she could touch the sky, safe from all the lies.
This women now set to work to destroy it all. To teach love a lesson. To never again set foot inside her heart. The heart she painstakingly pieced together. The Hag drew her rusty sword and began to beat love down. To smite it where it stood. While the Hag with good intentions of saving her and the princesses heart fought to stay ahead of loves building web of lies. The Princess from her tower saw love. She wanted to be free of herself and the Hag. She began to hope and dream again of freedom.  She wanted love, to love to be loved. The Princess would do anything for love again. The hope and belief from the Princess gave fuel to loves fighting fire. Love, now stronger fought harder against the Hag.
The ugly Hag fought with everything she had, everything in her. She was almost broken, falling to her knees about to crumble under the pressure love once again. The Hag was tired, she had built up her wall so high, so deep and thick, hid her door so well. She thought love would never find her. Her own little self betraying her. The tears began to fall then. The fell in sheets to refresh the mirror of herself, she saw once more. Only this time she saw a mix of her two selves, the Hag and the Princess. Neither of them happy. Someone needed to save them. There was no saving them both, the Hag had a choice, save the Princess, the girl she once was or save herself the women she had become, the Hag. Whom ever she picked the other would surely die. So she pondered a moment kill herself and let the girl have her love, with all it's tangling web of lies. Or does the Hag save herself and avoid the heartfelt pain the princess would feel? The Hag looked deep within her pool of tears, a grin of satisfaction growing on her face. she reached down and picked up that rusty sword and ran.
She ran with fear moving her feet, faster then she thought possible. She ran with love on her heels, reaching to wrap her up. She reached the princess's tower and climb to the safety of the home she had built at the top. She slammed and locked love out and herself and The Princess in.
The Princess smiled with a true hope of freedom, she knew love would free her. It was banging down her door. But then the princess looked up at the women she knew was her. The Princess saw the pain and fear in the ugly Hag's eyes. The princess knew what she must do in that moment. She walked to the Hag. The Hag gripping her sword  tighter in fear, crying tears of a broken women. The Princess, true to her title placed her hopeful hands upon the Hags cheeks and kissed away the tears and whispered "I love you"  Shocking the Hag still. As the moments passed loves fight became stronger and louder. The Princess lowered one hand to rest upon the Hags holding the sword, raising it up. the Princess took a step back, swallowed her fear, looked into the eyes of the Hag and thrust herself upon the sword. As she took her last breath and closed her eyes she could not tell who's screams were louder, that of the Hag or those of love.
The Hag had run to set the Princess free, to let her have her chance with love. To become someone new. The Hag was done, she wanted it all to end. She was tired of fighting, of hiding, yet afraid to die. Willing to give hope to what once was. The Princess ended her own life upon the rusty sword, revealing that love comes from with in. Doing all this exposed the Hag to real love. As the princess fell the screams escaped the hag. The Hag was to die, not the innocent girl she once was. Love gave one last battle cry and left defeated with the Princess's last breath.
The Hag would try for the memory of who she used to be to give love a chance. She stood dusting herself off wiping away tears and blood, looking the best she could. she opened the door to let love in, only to find nothing but empty blackness. Love had left her alone. Left her with the death of her innocents, left her with the nothingness of her life. Left her with what she thought she wanted.
Love had learned it's lesson, never to try and knock on that women's door. She doesn't want love, she doesn't feel love, she could never be loved.
Shutting the door, she locked it forever threw the key out to blow against the wind, She hoped that someday love would find her again and set her free from her own prison. She looked down at who she once was lying died by the sword meant for her. She couldn't even save herself, how foolish she was to think love would ever forgive her crimes against it and save her.

what I want

What I want...
Is to be kissed so deeply it rocks me to my core.
To have that kiss simply take my breath away and make me feel like you're breathing life right back into my soul.
To have you grab on so tightly to me that letting go would crush you.
I want to know the touch and feel of your lips on mine, to have your fingers trace patterns across my body. To tingle from the ecstasy of your simply touch.
What I want
is to lay my hand on your chest over your heart and to know it beats for me.
To have you want me to cover you with kisses and have you tingle for more.
What I want will never be.
Images trapped inside of me.
Feelings and longing
lingering touches

me

I have no right to want you.
There is not one good reason for me to want the things I want with you, other then I just do.
I have never touched you, yet I find myself in the darkness reaching for you.
I grab the emptiness.
Consuming me.

you

I know what I'll find before I go looking.
It's the upside down whirling feeling that's started in the pit of my stomach.
working it's way up
to coil tight around my heart.
that stops the screams of pain in my throat.
Chocking me.
Gasping for a single breath.
Open ears to the lies...
concerning me- my eyes are just playing tricks.
I keep counting down the days I know will never come.
Some reason, some lie
that I'll buy as a truth.

she

Does she know the lies you tell
Or
Do you make up stories to keep her hope afloat too?
Does she tell you it's okay to flirt
to look but don't touch
Just to save what you two have?
Is she dying inside?
Like me?
Does she pace the floor?
Look out windows?
Or does she trust you so blindly as I once did?
Does she suspect?
She will find comfort
that nothing will come of this.
You've lied so well.
She has your name,
your body,
your heart.
I'm just a thought.
A game.
A toy.
You like to play with when you get bored.

Lies we tell ourselves

Lies we tell ourselves
Pile up one by one.
We all at some point say "Fuck'em", "I don't care what anyone thinks!"
But deep down we do, I do.
We try to figure it out when no ones looking.
In the dark of our night
Behind tightly locked doors.
Taring ourselves apart
The needing to know- driving us slowly insane.
'Cause no one knows the truth behind
another's story.
That's true for everyone.
The truth in all this
Everyone has a story,
a sorrow,
a hope,
a pain,
 a dream.
No one says it all out loud
Their fear of judgment gluing their mouth shut
cause deep down they are scared of what people will think and say.
Yet they turn around knowing that feeling of Judgement
and still pass it on like a plague.
I've been on both sides, I'm guilty
and here I sit wondering why the fuck do I care
what they think...Haha
I'll tell you why-
Because I'm human, I have a heart, I want everyone to get a long.
I don't want to judge anyone anymore and I dont' want to be judge.

missing

Been off hiding in my mind. haha not the best place for this chick to be. Tearing apart thought after thought, picking my own brain for answers to questions I haven't asked. I get so lost in what I think, how I feel, and what it really should all mean. It really is a pain in the ass, before I know it half my day has been wasted on nothingness.

The last 4 days have been totally hell. I have taken something small and blown up in my mind like I always do. But then again I didn't act like I always do. I didn't find myself weeping tears like a river. I haven't spoke one word to anyone. This is the first I have really "said" anything about what's gone on. I find myself staring at my phone willing it to ring, to have it spew the answers I seem to need. I have held my phone in my hand typing messages that I delete and never send. I think I am being strong or am I just fooling myself? I miss my friend, the banter back and forth. But then I find myself wondering if it really was a friendship. As I find myself looking and thinking back I found that if I started to complain about my life there was nothing. So I always said things were fine even thou in my lil world and fucked up mind that was the furthest thing from the truth. I know the half my bullshit is my own doing and I work everyday to try and fix it just to repeat the same damn circles. But still I find myself missing someone that I really have no right in missing.

I walk on eggshells wondering if I will set someone off on bitching spell of things I have done wrong, fucked up, or said way too much about. I find myself thinking that I am helping when actually all I am doing is making things worse.( that's not what I wanted to do.) I miss my family...the way things used to be...but those days are long gone. Bridges burned and charred and the distance between the sides so gaping that there seems to be no way of rebuilding. So instead lies are spread and assumptions are made cause my lips stayed locked across the room. I think that it's keeping the peace. I think the truth of the matter is it's burning what's already charred and the gaping hole bigger and the other side just that much further out of reach. I hate this, I hate that it's all come down to this that I am typing my feelings on a fucking computer instead of using my big mouth to say what I am really want. I am tired of it all the fighting, the silence, the jumping of conclusions.